Why Dave Decided to Continue Talking with Carrie About the 7 Secrets to Marrying an Entrepreneur:
Here is the second part of the 7 secrets that Dave and Carrie have learned to survive a marriage with an entrepreneur. In this final part Dave and Carrie get deep with the remaining 4 secrets with things like the importance of living within your means, the effect of financial stress on their marriage, and the importance of a fist bump. Most importantly of all though Carrie and Dave discuss how it is you can truly get away WITH your spouse. When was the last time you did that and truly felt recharged?
Tips and Tricks for You and Your Business:
(1:22) Secret #4 Cheering on Your Spouse and Giving the Fist Bump
(4:16) Secret #5 Getting Away WITH Your Spouse
(7:48) Secret #6 Learn to Laugh *Cue laughter from Carrie and Dave*
(9:49) Secret #7 Don’t Be a Poser, It’s So Much More Fun Being Who YOU Are
(0:52) “The whole reason I got into this was for my family. I wanted to make sure that as I built my businesses over the last 25 years that my family didn’t suffer, or didn’t suffer too much.”
(9:04) “It’s so good to just step back sometimes and just laugh. Learn to laugh. Laughter always seems to take all the heaviness away.”
(12:28) “Nothing breaks down marriage and communication more than financial stress.”
Dave applied these principles himself this weekend with going cross country skiing with his marathon running wife FOR his wife.
Living within your means allows you to make more than your current means.
Speaker 1: 00:00 Welcome to funnel hacker radio podcast where we go behind the scenes and uncover the tactics and strategies top entrepreneurs are using to make more sales, dominate their markets and how you can get those same results. Here's your host, Dave Woodward.
Speaker 2: 00:17 All right, everybody. Welcome back to part two in our series with my wife here on the seven secrets to surviving and entrepreneurial marriage, so we did three on the last episode and we're going to wrap up these next four here. Before we do that, if you haven't listened to those three, go back and listen that one first and also let us know what are the things that you're doing? How are you surviving as the spouse of an entrepreneur? How are you surviving as the entrepreneur in your marriage with your kids, with your family? What are the things that you're doing to make sure that it's not just all business, business, business? Again, the most important thing here as the entrepreneurs to realize why you're really doing this. The whole reason I got into this was for my family and I wanted to make sure that, that as I started building my businesses over the last 25 years, that my family didn't suffer or didn't suffer too much.
Speaker 2: 01:05 There are times, as you're aware that it may have been a little bit much and there's always that balance going back and forth, but I really want to make sure I understand it and feel from you what are the things that you're doing. So go back and listen to the first three, let us know what your secrets are and enjoy this episode. Thanks. The next one is to make sure that we cheer each other on. And so in that part here, I really, I can tell you is probably one of the most difficult things for some people these days is the importance of cheering each other on.
Speaker 3: 01:34 Yeah, I think that that is a big one with, um, I don't know, you look at a lot of spouses that are together and you, when you first get married, right? Laurie, you first are dating. It's like super cool and you're like,
Speaker 1: 01:46 yeah, you should do this. Oh yeah, you should do it. This is great. Awesome. I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 3: 01:52 And then as you both get tired and exhausted and you start moving towards the goal, sometimes it gets harder to do that. And because you, your emotions change and your fatigue becomes more and you become more maybe sensitive, more irritated, more vulnerable, all of those emotions. And I think you have to step back and reground yourself and always remember that, you know, there's days when man, like I know like for Dave, like he would come home and he's just like beat up with stuff that's going on with work. And then he comes home to me and then I'm like, like I got all my stuff. And then I just see like his whole countenance change. And then the same thing where like, or he's had like a super awesome, you know, crazy experience. And then he comes home to me and I'm like, you know, like I'm frustrated or stuff that's going on.
Speaker 3: 02:45 And I realized that like I need to step back sometimes and say, you know, when, when he gets like winds are high fives or fist pumps, whatever it is, like things that are going on that I need to make sure that I give him the pumped back and the high five back and, and the I cheer him on. And the same thing for him for me. And I think that that's a big important thing is that you find moments in the day where you connect. And for us, like sometimes we just take, we take off like right after he gets home, like if it's late at night, it, this doesn't happen all the time, but I guess this would be the ideal world, right? Where we'd like to go for a walk and just kind of reconnect for a couple minutes and that he can just tell me all the things about his day and I can tell him all the things about mine and that you take moments to listen to each other, like really intently listened to each other.
Speaker 3: 03:34 And when you listen to each other, give feedback. See Man, that's awesome. I'm so proud of you. Or when they're having a day, like where they're just like, ah, I had a day. You can just get behind him and say, you know what, keep going. You've got this. I think good part is when you are having those types of days, you've got to make sure that, that you don't always bring that home either. You got to find a way of separating home life from business life. And uh, there was times when my commute was longer than it is right now. My commute now is about two or three minutes. And so because of that, I'm, when I've had a bad day, I've got to make sure that I'm, that I don't take it all in on, don't bring all that negative energy into the house. And sometimes I literally will just sit at the stop sign before I turned the corner of the house and go, okay, a couple of deep breaths.
Speaker 3: 04:23 What's most important is family here, so you shouldn't be taken all my negative energy out on them. So that's, uh, what's our, what's our next one? Okay. Hey, so the next one, which I think goes right into it is the importance of getting a way, oh yeah. Favorite thing. This is like one of our favorite things and one of that Dave has always been super good about, um, because especially when our kids were little is like it was so hard for me to leave them. And, and then there's times when you don't, like when you think of getting away, like what is it that you think of, do you think of like going on a plane and like going somewhere? Okay. Oh, sounded awesome. Well that's not always realistic. One for so many different reasons. And I think the important thing is, is make it simple and make it happen.
Speaker 3: 05:10 When you, like for us, we've always like made a goal to try to do like a 24 hour get away. And this doesn't happen all the time, but at least once a quarter we always made sure that we did that as the littles were growing up where we would just go away for 24 hours, we'd get a hotel room and once a quarter is a necessity, it's a necessity. Like you need to make it mandatory, put it on a calendar when you're going to do it. And we lived in town in California for 20 years and so it was super easy because there's so many places that we could go to up and down the coast and it felt like a little vacation, a little getaway. But guys, you have to get away. It cannot be a staycation because no staycation, because I know for like us, you completely check out.
Speaker 3: 05:52 Like you get rid of your phones, you give each other 100% attention, you don't go and sit in a hotel room and watch TV the whole time you are movies like go and talk, talk. And I can always, like for me it's always good to painful when we first get away cause I'm like, I feel antsy and I, and I think I feel antsy because I know Dave's Nancy and then, and then all of a sudden you're like, okay wait, this is amazing. Like you feel like your batteries recharged. You reconnected because how often do you forget to just be affectionate with your spouse? Like when you sit next to them just doing something like holding their hand or sitting close to them or, I dunno just giving him a little kiss on the cheek. Like so many of those little things you forget. And I think when you, um, when you get away and you recharge your batteries, like you realize how important those little, those little tiny things are.
Speaker 2: 06:46 I think as an entrepreneur, almost all this tello tell ourselves that we're doing this for our family. And I think if you're doing it for your family, then you need to make sure they know that. So for me, one of the main things has been to make sure that I do get away. And literally sometimes it has been literally less than 24 hours where I'll get home like at six o'clock, seven o'clock, we'll head out and we'll be back home the next day by three o'clock. Uh, just because of the things that are going on. But literally that's 24, 20 hours, whatever it might've been. Just getting away and reconnecting is, it is the juice of life for me. It is what actually helps me reconnect with the most important person in my life, my princess. And the whole idea for me has really been to turn my phone off, turn the TV off, and literally just talk. And I tried to make sure that it's not about work, it's about us. It's about our dreams, our goals. What are we really trying to do? Are we on the right path? Is this, is what we're doing? Is it going to get us to where we want to go? I think that, uh, getting away on a quarterly basis for 24 hours, as hard as it may sound, it's a mandatory. Yeah,
Speaker 3: 07:50 that's all right. You got to put it on the calendar, which I think leads us to number six. And that is learn. Yeah, you laugh. It's like, it's so like you sometimes you get so caught up and I don't, I don't care what, what journey you're on, whatever it is, life just gets busy and hectic and there's always just life stuff that happens and we forget. We get so serious about everything and we forget just to laugh and giggle and laugh at yourself. Laugh it off. Like today. I don't know for those of you guys who follow Instagram with us, but we would, we got away to McCall and it was just a quick, quick getaway and we both were like, oh, I mean they're just, we, it's always hard to get away, but it's so important to do it. And we did it. And I mean, do you feel amazing?
Speaker 3: 08:41 I feel awesome. I feel amazing. And the thing that I loved was we went cross country skiing today, which is not my favorite thing. His favorite thing. And it was just so funny. Like hers. We were just a train wreck today. This stuff we were doing and there was just this point where we were just both dying, laughing at ourselves and it's just, it's so good just to step back sometimes and just laugh, just learn to laugh and laughter always takes, it always takes all the heaviness, the Yuckiness, the tiredness that whateverness away, right? Yeah.
Speaker 2: 09:14 I think it's the most important part. You really have to make sure you spend the time getting away laughing and having fun and whatever that takes for you is really what you have to find a way of doing. And the laughter is by far, it's, it brings a whole bunch of energy back into your marriage, your life. And if, if you can't laugh at all the crazy stuff that you've had it happen in your life, then she got to find something else to do.
Speaker 3: 09:38 Exactly. Okay. So learn to laugh at how nerdy you are. Like that's your nerdiness is a gift in you. Right? Okay. So the last one is don't be a poser. Don't be a poser. Okay. So what does that mean? That means there was some advice that was given to us when we were first doing this. And the advice was whenever you're buying a house, whenever you're buying a car, always buy a little bit more than you can afford and then you will work hard enough to where you can afford it. Bad advice, bad, bad advice. Do not do that. Be who you are and be smart. And I can tell you, and that's the advice that like
Speaker 2: 10:19 we just give our kids like crazy. Always live under your means a little bit like when you're doing this because it's then you, then you can take risks. When you do that, you can take risks. If you are stressed out financially, you're so stressed out that you can't take risks, you can't go after all of the things that you need to go after. And it, it's so interesting to me because sometimes we go to these events and you know, people are like, they're just like, they're, they're dressed up and like in ways that they're trying to like be something and show this certain image and be who you are. Like I think that that's, and maybe that's just our ripe age of being married at 25 years, that we're learning that it's just, it's much more fun to be you. It totally is. I think the reality is for too many people, and I've seen it happen so often for entrepreneurs and that is you get a big spike in income.
Speaker 2: 11:11 You're like, oh my gosh, this is my normal income now, and all of a sudden you go out and you spend, assuming that next month that's going to be the exact same income, realize that the most important thing is you need to get, be able to find a way of building up to where you have at least six months of savings to pay for all your bills. It takes the edge off and are taking that edge off. It allows you to be much more creative. It allows you to be much more of a risk taker. It allows you to feel safety and security. And I know for, for most people there's that element of security is still there and you need to, especially as it provider, I'm probably, security isn't as important to me as it is to my wife, but I've realized that in our marriage I need to make sure that she feels secure and that security has come by making sure we have six months of savings more and more.
Speaker 2: 11:57 And that as big spikes come that you don't spend at at and above that thinking well next month will be even bigger and better. And so I think for a lot of people, this whole idea as far as the poser mentality or, or going out and dressing and acting as if it actually will tend to come back to bite you. Um, I've had that I've seen in my own life, I've seen it in others and that is money. Financial stress in a marriage, is that the most huge? It just nothing breaks down marriage and communication more than financial stress and even like the six months of savings that like that was our goal when we first got going so that we could always feel comfortable with that. And if you, the thing is is once you get to that savings and you get to that place where you have a nest, then you get to that place where it's not, it's never a stress anymore because you have way more than your six months.
Speaker 2: 12:50 You have way more than a year, you have way more. I mean you have just way more than any where you're able to have that, that comfort in it. And it's because you were smart with it. Not Because, oh, you've just got lucky. No, it has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with you managed your circumstance correctly and manage the risk. And I think that's really one of the most important things. You have to be able to manage risks as an entrepreneur, that your number one responsibility is managing risk. And the biggest problem so many entrepreneurs get involved with is thinking that I can spend whatever I want because there'll always be more and there's not always going to be more. And I think that the key for me as again, we've been talking with our our son and our daughter in law is the importance of living within your means.
Speaker 2: 13:38 And you can still go out and splurge and have fun and do those kinds of things. But understand that there's, there are laws, especially associated with money, that if you start breaking those laws, you will pay the price and don't have negative 10 negative emotions with it either. Because I think like with our kids, like we always tried to teach them. We went to a seminar when we were first married and it talked about jars and like making sure that you put money in your jars of and create which, which jars they are, right? So it's like a fun jar. It's your savings jar, it's your yacht necessities. You have education. There's six different jars and you can look up just Google six jars if you're wanting to figure that out. But it's super, super cool. And so it just gives you permission to still have fun and to still do all those things and yet still save as you're going along and starting that journey. So anyways, that's the seven secrets, seven secrets of surviving and entrepreneurial bearish.
Speaker 2: 14:36 Beg so much. We love you guys. Appreciate you listening to this and hopefully this helps you. Uh, leave a comment, send us a Facebook message, reached out to my wife, tell us your secrets. Tell us your secrets. What have you guys done? Let us know. All right, we're signing off. See you later. All right, everybody. That wraps up our two part series to the seven steps to surviving an entrepreneur marriage. Let us know your thoughts. Reach out to me either through a Facebook personal message or send me an email or a Instagram. However you want to reach out to me. I'd love to know what your feedback is. Or He'd go ahead and leave a comment down below or on iTunes or stitcher or wherever else you might be listening this. I read all those comments out of the game. I'd love to kind of find out your feedback as well. Have an amazing day. Thanks again for listening.